Exploring The Void: You either Burnout or Breakthrough

The last 3 years have seen me read and write a lot. My exponential reading and writing activities correspond with a few major life events. Simultaneously, I returned to journaling, something I did as a young child. When I left my boyfriend, engraved into my heart was the advice of a relationship coach I heard advising women after divorce: "Do the things you did before the relationship". You know, those things you slowly let go of because he cringed, slowly no longer made time for, or hid from him because he made fun of your vulnerabilities.

Slowly, I started journaling again, dancing at home, marveling at the little things like lady bugs, peeling back paperbark trees, witnessing sunrises, seeing shapes in clouds. I also promised myself to hold onto these things moving forward. I believe this promise to myself helped me recognise, and leave the narcissist I dated 2 years later. A valuable life experience that has me coaching others how to recognise codependency, narcissism, gaslighting, negging, personal traumas, projections. How to free yourself from a narcissistic relationship - be it intimate, a friendship or family member. We need to learn what healthy relationships and attachments look and feel like.

My exponential reading corresponded with having done a year of personal empowerment coaching and preparing for major surgery.

I became curious about 'what else'. What else was I not taught at school, at university, in my family environment, in my friendship circle? What else can I learn to help me heal, and change the trajectory of my life?

When I left the narcissist I didn't know he was a narcissist. I turned to books, podcasts, my psychologist, my coaches with lots of questions, and I turned inwards. I read and wrote simultaneously. I wrote key takeaways as if I was in a classroom. I self-reflected and journaled about how this applied to my life, how it showed up in my life, is it true for me, and if not what is true to me? Reading became a place I found more of myself. Where I felt understood. Where I expanded my views. To this day, it comforts me to read and feel I am not alone, I feel accepted, I feel my thoughts and feelings are welcome.

I was reflecting on this and thinking about what I wanted to share about this 'void' I feel I have been in for some time. Maybe my breast implant explant surgery was the 'real life' initiation into this void. Thanks to Alana Fairchild's 'Journey of Love' oracle cards for introducing me to the term. The description of 'The Void" I resonated with states: "At the end and beginning of every cycle, there exists a moment of transition...Things won't look like what we're used to seeing... Be patient. When you can do something, take action, when you can't, stay put. Your time will come." Other terms I have heard over the last 3 years include: Darkness, Shadow Work, Dark Night Of The Soul, Spiritual Awakening, Coming Home, Ego Death, The Tunnel, Grief. Which made me think Burnout. Much of the same 'symptoms' arise, a deep questioning of everything you once knew to be true.

I now believe the major side effect to the combination of self-development and self-reflecting that no one tells you about is: Exploring The Void.

Self-development in any sense: reading an abundance of books, listening to podcasts, attending courses. I became curious about how some avid readers or passionate self-development course attendees stay stuck in the same life circumstances. They complain about the same health challenges, same relationship dynamics, same financial situations, have the same excuses, same mindset. Nothing ever changes.

You can read and read and read all you want. However, without the self-reflection part, without the journaling and/or coaching - all this reading goes in one ear, and out the other. Integration is necessary for completion. A level of processing must occur. Personally, I believe it will largely depend on two things:

One - Curiosity

This means putting aside the ego for and accepting there may be more than one truth playing out here. There may be things you don't know. There may even be things you don't know that you don't know. There may be more for you to learn.

Two - Courage

Courage to step into the void despite the fear. To do something differently. To take action; create change. Two sides of the same coin. When fear emerges, that is your opportunity to be courageous.

What exactly is the void?

The void is the space where you get to decide to take ownership, accountability and responsibility for yourself moving forward. The moment of transition before entering a new cycle.

When you embark on the self-development journey, when you commit to becoming a better version of yourself, so many layers start to shed. To become a better self, one must first know-thy-self. With self-reflection you become more aware of self: past, present and future. Think about the words we use: 'self-reflection', you are looking at yourself in the mirror and learning more each time, becoming more 'self-aware'. Even meeting other people we learn more about ourselves. Others act as our mirror image. We learn about our hurts, our reactions, our responses.

I’ve found myself shedding again and again. Layers of learnt behaviours, indoctrinated beliefs, layers of enmeshment. It’s a sorting through and untangling from others’ values, standards and expectations.

And so you shed belongings, people, places, clothes, habits.

You begin to question everything, including yourself: Was that really me or was that something I learnt from them? Why did I ever think that was okay? Am I being honest with myself here? I remember this one time calling my mum feeling so confused and lost. I was pulled into this void where everything felt at times shattered, stripped back or empty. Everything I thought I knew about myself felt unreal. Imaginary. Illusory. There was so much cognitive dissonance.

It came down to one question: Who am I? The response I remember her giving me: "You are what you make yourself be."

With that, I gave myself permission to reinvent my way of being. Permission to change, evolve, have beliefs different to others, create my own beliefs based on what I was learning. I gave myself permission to let my attitude change as the situation unfolds, as more information became available to me. I gave myself permission not to have an opinion on everything.

What if the void is actually a blank canvas? What a beautiful place to be.

Evolution is defined as the gradual development of something. So, here I am after my own destruction, having stripped back the paint off my canvas, gradually creating something new with all the self-reflection, self-awareness, knowledge and experience to date. Like mosaic. After breaking the tiles, I get to choose my favourite pieces to create my vision.

Destruction leads to creation. Every ending is just a new beginning. This is the cyclical nature of life.

It can be an upward spiral should we choose to evolve, rather than revolve. How you choose to approach 'the void', the moment of transition between ending and beginning will shape your destiny. Will you walk forward into the unfamiliar with confidence (confide: with faith) and courage, or will you turn back towards the same stories you've always had.

Although you will walk your own path through the void, I can walk besides you.

I can offer you tools such as books, podcasts, journaling prompts, stories from self and others who have walked through their own void, to help you redefine your being. I can be your mirror reflection offering kindness and compassion with accountability, to help you move forward through your experience from burnout to breakthrough:

Wellness Mentoring

Embodiment Coaching

Breathwork Journey

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KEYWORDS: Void, Burnout, Breath, Breathwork, Breathe, Frequency, Sound, Healing, Vibrations, Vibration, Journey, Spiritual, Spirit, Trauma, Movement, Emotion, Emotions, Nervous System Regulation, Nervous System, Regulate, Integrate, Integration, Wellness, Health, Coaching, Integrative.