The only constant in life is change - said the philosopher Heraclitus, and I agree. So why then do we tend to fight against change, and how can we accept it with ease? There are very real scientific, neurological, primal reasons for our resistance to change. Once we are aware of this, we can choose to change the way we think about it. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change - Wayne Dyer. In this blog, I share with you a few of my findings about overcoming resistence to change that I have learnt and implemented personally as well as noticed in my coaching practice.

The brain is wired to protect us. Our downstiars, reptilian, primitive, hindbrain is the oldest part of our brain. It consists of the brain stem, limbic region and amygdala. It is the instinctive part of our brain responsible for basic functions of breathing, heart beating, flinching, digestion. It is responsible for our behavrioural and emotional responses. It is the centre of our fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop response that keeps us alive during times of danger. Our primitive brain is always scanning for dangers, always scanning our internal and external environment to keep us safe. It just wants to protect us.
However, our dangers nowadays are very different to the dangers we faced years ago. Where once they were mostly physical, nowadays a lot of them are intangible and perceived. Our primitive brain sets off the Sympathetic Nervous System response (fight or flight) when we lose the car keys, face a project deadline, fail a subject, feel our identity or character is being questioned and threatened. Our primitive brain sets off the alarm system every time we face anything uncertain. It truly believes it's safer that way. It would much rather set off the 'fight or flight' alarm because you are running late to work than risk an actual crocodile waiting for you there if you are late. The body does not speak the same language as our mind.
Our resistance to change lies here, within the unknown. Anything that signals change, also signals unknown and unfamiliar. This happens even if it is a change for the better. Our nervous system still needs time to adjust, to bounce forward with resilience, expand its capacity and create a new known. Think about that time you clearly should have gone to the doctor and chose to put it off just a little longer. We don't like to know, we don't like to even think we will have to change our behaviours, lose weight, eat healthier, set regular sleep hours. Especially when we don't know where to start or how.
If you have been fit and healthy in the past, you've done it before so you can do it again. This reduces the fear of the unknown. In fact, this might be your comfort zone. Any yo-yo dieters reading this? Stuck in a cycle of periods of being healthy and periods of being not so healthy. The all or nothing mentality. If this is something you're well accustomed to, it is your known. It is what your nervous system is accustomed to and expecting. It's a wired behavior, a habit that can be changed.

There is also this thing we call 'Region Beta Paradox' a phenomenon whereby a person will remain in a state of mild discomfort and act only when the state changes to one of intense discomfort. The pain of staying the same needs to be greater than the pain of change in order for us to take action. The way this impacts people: they stay in the relationship long past their due date, they live with symptoms of disease without managing them or seeking support to reverse the disease, they go bankrupt before asking for help in business. The ego gets in the way!
This journey of life and self-discovery towards our purpose also leads us towards ego death again and again. Shedding of our limiting beliefs, seeking out like hearted and like minded communities. It is human nature to fear discomfort. The comfort zone is a beautiful place to be, but nothing ever grows there. Stepping outside the comfort zone is scary to our hindbrain, and subconscious mind. Even if that step is out from an abusive relationship. This may be where the term 'better the devil you know' comes from. If you believe this term, you will stay in your current circumstances even if you don't like them. You might be subconsciously holding onto that belief. Create a new empowering belief. The unknown might be scary to the brain, it is also where all possibilities exist. Get inspired.
Rather than waiting for the 'Region Beta Paradox' to kick in, I expeirnced a profound moment that helped me change the trajectory of my life almost overnight. About 3.5 years ago, I was guided by a trusted coach in a 'Future Me' vizualisation meditation. I met 'Her', my future, best self. She was holding my baby girl. When I came out of this visualisation trance state, I begun taking actions towards becoming her.
To be honest, none of it was easy, and all of it is well worth it. I walked away from a codependant relationship where I was surrounded by drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. I went through major surgery to explant the breast implants that I no longer wanted for various reasons. I healed generational trauma, became a breathwork practitioner, changed the way I relate to people. I decided to live a conscious life and make decisions from my heartspace, from the feeling of 'Her'. Although I am not 'Her' yet, I am much closer than I was 3.5 years ago.

Another psychological barrier to change may be 'Secondary Gain'. This occurs when you believe keeping the problem is more economical than overcoming it. The problem is meeting a need. There is a hidden benefit to keeping it. Secondary gain is part of the unconscious, you are not aware of it. "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate" - C.G. Jung. Having trusted coahes helps me clear secondary gain. People who hold onto secondary gain haven't considered the long term cost of keeping the problem and not making change. Staying in that co-dependent relationship would have cost me and my future children a peaceful future. Do you know what it will cost you not to change? A life you've never lived, dreams you've never actualised, health lost, suboptimal relationships.
If you thought you delt with a problem and it is still reoccurring, you're looping and have not yet overcome the challenge. You only know what you are living. To know something and not to do is still not to know. The ego is a tricky trickster. It will have you think you don't have blind spots. It will have you think you can see yourself clearly. Yet, even when you look in the mirror everything is opposite and distorted. You will never be able to see your self truly. The people you surround yourself with are your mirrors. When we meet 'the same person with a different face' we are looping. When we exclaim 'not this again' we are looping. When we roll our eyes as we go through the motions of a disagreement we've already had and thought settled, we're engaging in looping.
So, how then do we overcome resistance to change and become an action taker? Find the answer in my next blog post: How to Become An Action Taker.

Tag & Share with your friends who would love it too! Sign up for my Free NuFit Wellness Newsletter and be the first to know it all. Attend my Wellness Workshops. Kathy O - Health & Wellness Strategist: Supporting people achieve optimal health, wealth and relationships with lifestyle principles through awareness, bretah and choice. Embodiment Coach: Alighnment is the method. Embodiment is the achievement. Authenticity is a byproduct. Be unstoppable. Be authentically you.
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KEYWORDS: Change. Resistence. Overcome. Visualise. Region Beta Paradox. Secondary Gain. Resilience. Primitive Brain. Hindbrian. Fear. Love. Action. Courage. Curiosity. Confidence. Inspiration. Inspire. Breathwork.
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